My boots have been cleaned and made waterproof. The last of hte beef jerky is drying nicely and wil ready in about 2 hours. Most of the packing is done and the boxes have been checked and re-checked.

Left to do:

- one arm hole on a waistcoat
- a belt for my new kit
- the outer part of my new cloak
- a little hand sewing on my new blouse
- cakes out of the freezer
- pack hot water bottles
- pack food!
- re-lace trousers
- re-lace 2 shirts

If theres anything else it can sod right off. I am now officially on a coffee break and headed to the shop for Coke. Must remember to take the apron off first though...

I've just deleted the original post I wrote this morning as things have changed in a few hours. I woke up feeling miserable, lethargic, tired, sick and basically run down. I now feel much better and brighter and I even have an idea as to why! This has been helped no end by Ok Go , some Better than Ezra, the Lost Boys Soundtrack, a large dose of fresh air and getting a few things done on my list. I have made several useful and enlightening phone calls and received a few too, done 2 loads of laundry, had a guy servicing my central heating for an hour, and vacummed. I have cleaned the crap, very literally unfortunately, off my back lawn, cut back a sickly looking passion flower and filled a tray with potting soil ready for some seeds.

Why have I made such a turn around? Well that's been something I have thought about while doing stuff. I think I may have figured it out now..music. I used to get up in the morning and turn on the radio or run Winamp in the background. I haven't done that for a while, I have no idea, and I never realised what effect it was having on me. I've sung, danced, made the chickens think I'm more of a looney than normal and generally been bouncy since I turned the Winamp volume up. Music used to be such a major part of my life, I worked in a night club and helped the DJ choose play lists quite often, and it was always there and then..nothing. I have NO idea why I stopped turning on the tunes in the morning but I'm glad I'm about to change that. Actually, I think I do know. I no longer have the sweet stereo system I used to have and this damn computer takes up too much of my time.

Once more it's time to step away from this time and energy leech and get out in to the fresh air. I have one more job on my list that I want to get done today so I'm off to do it!

I'm going to keep this brief, as I'm still not doing very well, but I just wanted to apologise for my blog absence. I was in the middle of typing up one of those posts that take a few days to collate properly when I got ill. Not just a cold but the kind of ill knocks you so flat that you have no idea what day it is. From being a little sniffly on Sunday night I ended up in hospital on Christmas Day. My temperature had hit 102, I couldn't breathe, my nail beds kept turning blue and I felt as if I had been steam rolled by several, very drunk, Norscan Gods in party mode.

Today is the first day I have been able to sit at my computer and read my blogs and forums but I am still quite unwell. Better than I have been but still poorly. I shall update properly as soon as I feel well enough. Right now I'm off to have a nice hot bath, wrap up warm and spend some time with my chickens for the first time in days.

Blessed be to you all. I hope you've all had a good Holiday Season so far.

Poot is now settled in bed after having a Lemsip. She's coughing nicely, her nose is streaming, and she aches all over but I have given her extra blankets and lots of cuddles. I wish I was in bed too but I now have to go outside and see to the chickens..and it's about -2! The frost is lying in a thick white blanket over everything and the chooks water keeps freezing so my trips outside are on a regular basis today.

Poot sends hugs to anyone who also has a cold.

Poot is off today again. Coughing so badly she's being sick and full of cold. Ewwyuk. There goes my trip to town. Too cold to go out anyway, bloody frosty and icy and black ice everywhere. Even the chickens don't want to be out of their coop.Done a test thingy, made me giggle. Face hurts now so going to take migraleve and sit in a dark room till it goes away. Again with the ewwyuk.

Whats your favorite color? Just curious really. In fact, whats your favorite color and how do you take your tea/coffee?

If you answer both these questions then I will know just that little bit more about you:)

Mines blue and black coffee with 1 sugar please.

Kiss Kiss.

Just a reminder for you all. Yuleen is on December 6th starting around 6pm.

YOU MUST BE IN HALLOWEEN COSTUME!

I expect everyone to be dressed up and I might even award a prize t for the best costume!

Be there..or be...somewhere else that doesn't have great food and company!

Don't throw away any clothes!

As many of you know, Whiterose helps with a charity called Hope. It saves dogs from being euthanised and ensures they get permanant loving homes. It costs Hope a lot of money to keep doing this and they rely on donations and fund raisers for the cash to carry on. So, as lots of us seem to be changing size and shape lately I have had an idea.

A Clothes Swop Fundraiser! I would host it at my house in February. Here are the Swop Rules.

1. You must bring clothes! Clothes and shoes must be in good, clean condition. No underwear please.
2. Bring a friend if you can. The more people the better the outcome for Hope AND for you.
3. Everybody puts a small cash donation in a box for Hope. This is a very worthy cause.
4. You must agree that any clothes left over at the end of the night are donated to Hope so that they can continue their fundraising efforts.

I'm hoping that this would be a good way for us all to get something 'new' to wear while supporting a good cause at the same time and save us all some money. I'm sure that Hope would also be happy to accept any donations of old blankets, teddies without stud eyes, and food to help the foster carers. There will be members of Hope at the party wo will be more than happy to talk about what they do and point you in the right direction if you would like to foster, or adopt, one of the dogs they help. If your interest in attending then drop me a comment so I can start to work on numbers etc.

PS. There will be crash space available for those who would need to travel.

I had a really long and rough night last night. I've had yet another migraine floating around for a few days and this time it's less pain but more nausea than normal. The trouble is that now and then the nausea takes that extra step and I want to cry when it happens. I went back to bed this morning, after sending the children off to school, and took yet more Migraleve in an attempt to get rid of this nastiness. It didn't work as well as I had hoped. The head pain is now very much limited but the sickness is..well..lets just say that being sick is one of the things I hate. After getting up again at 10.30 I decided to try and take my mind off it by doing stuff. So the washing is on and the downstairs has been vacummed, I've let the chickens out and sent 3 more bags of junk to the charity shop, I've done some dusting and now I'm considering finishing cleaning the oven.

Perhaps though I should just get my book and curl up for half an hour while the kids are at school and I have the chance. I had planned on doing some baking but I'm not sure I could cope with the smell of food right now. Of course, that also means I won't be making any soap which is something else I had planned. Ho hum, lets hope the week end is better and I can get a few things done. Time to go get a glass of water and blanket so I can read my book and doze as I need to.

*hugs*

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.'

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.'

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!'

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
' Because I said so, that's why.'

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.'

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.'

7. My mother taught me IRONY
'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.'

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.'

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!'

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
'You'll sit there until all that broccoli is gone.'

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.'

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
'If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!'

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.'

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
'Stop acting like your father!'

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
'There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do.'

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
'Just wait until we get home.'

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
'You are going to get it when you get home!'

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.'

19. My mother taught me ESP.
'Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?'

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
'When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.'

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.'

22.My mother taught me GENETICS.
'You're like your father.'

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
'Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?'

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
'When you get to be my age, you'll understand.'

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE
'One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!'

1 child is out with friends. The other 2 are at the library where my brother will keep an eye on them, he works there, so I have a few moments of peace. A few moments to say thank you to Fayne for rescuing me on Thursday. I'm sorry I was in such a state and I really appreciate you coming over to save me. I love you dearly.

You will be glad to know that since then I have managed to get 2 nights of good sleep at least. Friday night at Chalice Well helped loads. I will update more when I don't feel so tired, I've had a migraine hanging round for 3 days now, and will post a few pictures. Blessed be.

Sleep. Something I crave. Something I no longer have the real luxury of. When I was younger I could sleep as an Olympic sport, now it evades me. Every night I crawl in to bed beside my Morier, curling in to his warmth, wanting nothing more than to fall asleep next to him. We read for a little while then turn the lights out, snuggling deeper under the warm duvet, and I listen to his breathing slow down as he drifts off. I lie there, unable to sleep even with the medication, trying to keep my eyes closed and let sleep take over. My eyes keep opening and I stare around the dark room, knowing all of it's shadowed corners by heart. My mind keeps ticking over, crossing off things I've done, things I need to do are added to the list, hopes and dreams and aspirations rush by in the darkness. My eyes close and they seem to try and roll back in my head, as if trying to see whats in there and sort through the mess that resides inside my skull.

Then I hear what I'm waiting for. A quiet thump, a rustle, perhaps a door opening. Every single noise brings me further away from sleep. I'm waiting for Boy to get up and start wandering around the house. Wondering what he will do, what he will take, next. I hear his door open then I hear the bathroom door shut. I count in my head for a few minutes waiting for the return journey to happen and for me to hear him get back in to his bed. 1am now and I'm still listening. He's turning over and over in his bed and I'm waiting for him to get up again. 2am and the exhaustion is setting in. I desperately want to sleep and finally begin to drift off, still listening for any noise, trying to bury my head under the covers. 2.30am and I'm finally asleep. Part of me is still on alert though and I wake when I hear his bedroom door open again, another bathroom trip, another 20 minutes to get back to sleep. At 7.15am I'm awake to get the children ready and off to school. 3 children all fighting and bickering, trying to get breakfasts and packed lunches ready, finding lost shoes and books needed for school. I cling to a cup of strong coffee trying to wake myself up enough to start my day and be a functional person.

3pm and it's time to get Boy from school. The walk is good for me but I can feel myself beginning to wilt. I'm home again by 4pm and so is Morier. I'm exhausted now and need to rest. The dinner needs to be made and chores still need doing but I'm out of energy, both physical and emotional. I lie on the sofa and curl under a blanket. The cats snuggle in beside me and purr softly as if trying to heal the broken parts of my body. I feel acute guilt as I lie down though, I want to be talking to Morier and sitting next to him, I don't want to be this useless and tired creature that has to have a nap like an old woman. So I don't sleep. I doze but I'm still alert to the things that happen around me. I hear the kids come and go in to the lounge, Moriers chair creaking and his keyboard as he types, the fish tanks bubble away in the background. I know it's safe to sleep now, Morier is home and he is the alert one, but still I can't.

11pm, bed time for us both and the start of the cycle once more. This has been my life now for months. I'm loosing interest in food, I live on coffee and cigarettes. I'm snappy and tense, in pain all the time from the lack of rest and the arthritis. I wonder if I will ever be able to sleep properly again. I wonder how long it will take until I burn out.

Me, very sore and suffering from earache.
Poot, sore all over with swollen glands.

One day I will be alone in my house. Just me. No kids. ROFL...yeah as if thats gonna happen!

Thank you to Whitrose for letting everyone know that Boy has been found. He was found by an Ambulance Crew and taken to hospital. He's well in himself but has a very nasty laceration on his penis and very swollen everything else. He trapped it in his mountain bikes suspension! He has now been super glued together. He is currently locked in a hospital ward so that I can rest knowing he is safe and we shall pick him up later.

Once again, thank you for all your kind words and txt messages. I am now exhausted and going to nap before having to attend a meeting with several large agencies in order to keep Boy safe in the long term. I will update properly soon and answer a few questions.

If any of you see my Son. Sit on him. He's currently missing from home and I have no idea when he left, it was over night some time. I will have my phone on me al day but please don't call unless you have to as I need to keep the line clear.

I know some of you love your chillies. Well, I found this and thought of you!

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/Peter-Penis-Pepper-rare-chilli-plant-not-seed_W0QQitemZ280273445916QQcmdZViewItem?hash=item280273445916&_trkparms=72%3A1296|39%3A1|66%3A2|65%3A12|240%3A1318&_trksid=p3286.c0.m14

I'm still alive. I've just been poorly. Eldest has glandular fever, mild so far, but we will see how it goes. Morier has had a few days off work sick, so has Poot, and I'm still not 100% well either but we're ticking along. Now I have loads to do and a list that is too long. I'm going to remove my butt from the puter and get on with it. *lick*

Morier is in bed ill. Poot is poorly and so is Eldest. This has been the story since they all went back to school. With me and Morier it's more a case of both us being run down and tired with everything that's been going on here. I think I need a break!All in all I think I've managed to get maybe 2 days for myself in the past 3 weeks and, though I adore all of my family, I need to have my own space at times. Today is busy again but I can't do a lot of the things I wanted to as I need to be quiet while the others sleep and rest. So far I've put on 2 loads of washing, washed up in 2 houses, taken Pink Princess and Boy to school, puppy sat 3 beautiful dogs, moved 300 litres of compost and sorted more washing than a Chinese laundry!

I am now sitting here catching up e-mails before sorting bills, making phone calls and writing a list of everything I want to achieve at the week end. I wish I had known it was Collectormania though as I've wanted to go for the past 3 years. Meh. I guess I'll just have to finish digging the borders in the garden and clean my freezer out. It will give me time to think and maybe figure out why I feel so disassociated from everything right now. Friendships are drifting, my weight is trying to creep back on, I feel totally out of control. Time to kick it in to touch and get it back on track. I think it's probably because I know I am walking a different path than I was when I met most of them and we're loosing common ground. I don't know *shrugs*

Anyway, back to the grind for me. I know I'm slack posting of late but I have a different blog I've been posting to. Livejournal just doesn't seem to be right for the things I wanted to say. It's more abotu how I live and what I do rather than whiney or fast updates. Need to stop typing now. I only have 3 hours before I need to back at Whiteroses house to let her Techie in:)

Eldest is at home and in bed with swollen glands and a very sore throat.

Poot is home and in bed with a very sore throat and a temperature.

Morier is home and in bed looking pale and feeling awful.

I'm home and writing this whilst in enough pain to cry and sniffling with a cold.

This has not been a good week.